back to today....My grandmother...my dads mother....she is having cancer.... I have never lost anyone in my life...except my sister who I didnt know... she was gone before I was born....so i have no diea how do I deal with the pain of loosing someone close

My grandma loves me...and I love her... I cant say she was always good to me or my mom...but i know she loves me...when my mom got my beloved sister who passed ....she told my mom to quickly get away from the apartment cuz she cant stand a noises of a crying baby....

since that my mom hasnt had a good relationship with her...

well my grandma is really in bad condition...cancer in her lungs,livers and she is really frail...

She came to visit us last weekend said...she wanted to because she doesnt have a good feeling..and it may be the last time she sees us ....

she was really fragile... with one complaint she had....that she is not feeling well..my dad tarted yelling at her that she is stupid and whining all the time ...stuff like that

my dad often yells on her mom...alot...for everything wrong she yeels at her..when she forgot how to call someone on the mobile phone ,he yelled...when she said she cant visit us cuz she is not feeling good..he yelled...

after this week i hadnt heard from her since...till today

dad wasnt even that good enough to tell us...me and my sister..or mom that our grandmother is in hospital...for a serious operation....

we had to find out from one of my grandmothers friends...

I started this blog to confess things I cant confess to anyone else...not my friends..no my family...not even my boyfriend...cuz i dont want to worry them....

with that I guess i confessed I am gay...well I dont know what I am..i hate putting lables on people...even myself..

No one knows..and I wont like to put off that burden till the right time comes ....

I wish this wont be my last post... I wish I will come back...

But for now...Goodbye

G